My Only Regret
by Deep Forest Green
Summary: ...is that I have but one life to give for my country" -Nathan Hale. Enjolras and Combeferre exchange a few last words after the former shoots a fellow insurgent. Rated T for implied (canonical) character death.


After executing Le Cabuc and finishing his speech, Enjolras stepped down from his soapbox- literally- and lowered his gun to his side as he walked slowly from the spot where he had done the deed. The barricade was silent and solemn. Everyone made a path for him, terrified that they might become his next victim. Even his friends, who had known him for years, stepped away in fear from this unfamiliar side of him. All except Combeferre, who approached him and put a hand on his drooped shoulder.

"You had no choice," he said, trying to comfort his best friend. "You did the right thing, what any decent leader would have done. You have no reason to condemn yourself."

Enjolras stared at Combeferre in confusion. "Do I sense hypocrisy from you, mon ami? If I recall rightly, you were the very same man who, not two hours ago, begged me to spare the life of a Guardsman who was attempting to blow up the barricade."

"And you had no choice then either, no more than you did just now," Combeferre responded. "Even I acknowledged that. You chose to protect your friends and allies, and while the price may have been high, you and I both know that it was worth it. If anything, your action was more excusable this time, because the man who shot that bystander was not fighting for his country or for a cause, while the Guardsman believed he was doing the right thing."

"I just wish I could have talked to him," said Enjolras sadly. "To both of them. I wish I could have made them see the rightness of our cause with words and not with weapons."

"So do I," Combeferre agreed. "But it is too late for that. It is not your fault that those men would not- or could not- listen to reason or compassion. If only they had heard you speak, I am quite sure that they would have been moved enough to, if not join our cause, then at least respect and honor what we are fighting for."

Enjolras nodded. "I can only hope so. I do believe that everyone can be made to see the right. But it does not matter, because you can see that I have condemned myself to death."

"Did you not condemn yourself the moment you stepped onto the barricade?"

"Yes, but that was a free choice, not a punishment. Now I must stay here and oversee to finish what I have started, no matter how much I may want to give up. The rest of you are innocent; you, my peace-loving friend, I know you would never hurt a living creature. I hope to protect your souls as well as your bodies for as long as I can, by shooting our enemies so that you do not have to."

"We all made a choice by coming here, Enjolras. We all decided that a thing worth dying for is a thing worth killing for. Every person here on the barricade- well, except for that old volunteer over there." Combeferre pointed to the white-haired man who was watching over Marius like a guardian angel.

"I fear that none of us can be as virtuous as he is, Combeferre," said Enjolras wistfully. "He seems to care little for the cause, and his apathy towards the revolution is what allows him to refrain from violence."

"Such is the wisdom of the old," remarked Combeferre. "I fear that you and I shall never reach that state of wisdom, mon ami."

"Who do you think he was, that man that I shot?" asked Enjolras. "Why did he do such a terrible thing?"

"I know not," Combeferre confessed. "Some people are just sociopaths, Enjolras. There is no rhyme or reason to their actions. They cannot be reasoned with. That is the only explanation I can see."

"I cannot accept that," said Enjolras firmly, looking back at the bloody corpse. "He was clearly a poor man who lacked love and light in his life. No man is naturally horrible, Combeferre; society makes these monsters out of men and then turns its back on them. That is why I have done a great wrong in killing that man."

"That may well be true," Combeferre agreed. "But you must admit that there is a degree of innateness to the good or evil which lies within every human being. There are decent paupers who have not let their circumstances get the better of them, and then there are men like him, those of the underworld who exact their revenge on the innocent and undeserving and even take pleasure in the act. Likewise, there are men like you and me, from wealthy and privileged backgrounds, who are moral and upstanding; while there are many others who use their means to keep their distance from their fellow man. It is just a part of who they are. There will always be good and evil, Enjolras; all we can do is try to bring out the best in everyone."

"You are a doctor, Combeferre; you have studied the brain extensively, so I will defer to your judgment in this matter. It is not my place to speculate on the inherent nature of man when I have so little empirical knowledge of the subject. I fear that you are right to be skeptical about the moral compass within every individual, seeing as how the people still have yet to rise."

"It is not skepticism to trust the domain of science; it is realism," replied Combeferre. "There is a middle ground between the likes of an idealist like you and the likes of a pure cynic like Grantaire. Mankind is irrational, myself included, no matter how much I sometimes wish for it to be otherwise. Empathy, while socially beneficial, is arguably an irrational impulse. That does not mean that it is bad. On the contrary, it is necessary toward the long-term survival and prosperity of a species, which is why courage and self-sacrifice are honored as virtues even in advanced cultures such as ours. The conscience will be studied someday, Enjolras, just as soon as we have the technology, and I had hoped to be at the forefront of- "

"I must return," said Enjolras, interrupting him. "I have been absent from the fight for too long. The barricade needs me to lead the men."

Combeferre released Enjolras and nodded. "Go, then. I will follow you until the end. If you have sentenced yourself to death, then I shall sentence myself to the same fate." He swallowed hard and turned to face the blond. "I suppose that this is the last philosophical discussion I shall ever have with you. I shall miss them."

Enjolras shook his hand. "I will miss them too, mon ami."

* * *

**A/N: Happy New Year, everybody! Have a great 2014! **


End file.
